Life Post-Doctorate

One year update

2011-03-20T17:16:00.000-07:00

I realize that it's been about a year since I wrote anything. Not much has changed. Then, a lot has changed. We moved across the country, so no more tide pool pics. :(
I recently had another miscarriage.
I am doing weekly acupuncture sessions to work on that issue. I really like it so far.

Other than that we have just been settling in to our new home and adjusting to the weather here. The summers are much hotter and the winters much colder than we were used to.

I am glad spring is just about here.

I was looking back at what I wrote 1 year ago and I am glad to have all those detailed memories about what B was doing in those times. So I am going to try again to start writing, about what we are up to and things he does and says, some nice times we share that we can remember down the road.

Tide Pools

2010-03-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, B and I went and checked out one of our favorite beaches. We needed some more sand for his sand box and it was nice, though a bit chilly, to get out of the house. We were surprised that the tide was out further than it had been the other times we had visited and there were plenty of tide pools to explore. We saw tons of hermit crabs and some anemones.

After exploring the tide pools for a few minutes and showing B all the hermit crabs, I went back up to the beach and collected just a few shells. B joined me and noticed that there were quite a few broken pieces of the type of shell that the hermit crabs live in. So he started collecting those.

Then we went back to the tide pools to look around some more and I took a few pictures with my phone. Meanwhile, a few feet away, B was busy collecting more hermit crab shells in his little cup- only these still had the crabs! When I went over and noticed what he was doing, I explained to him that we couldn't take the crabs home with us because their home was the ocean; they needed it and they wouldn't be happy at our home because we don't have the ocean.

He argued only a tiny bit and then immediately seemed to grasp what I was saying. I was a little surprised at how quickly he agreed and began helping me gently return them to the water. It was a proud moment.

All in all, a good day.

Sand Castle Day

2010-03-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

B and I spent the afternoon playing at the beach today...and for the first time ever, after we had run around in some waves for a while and eaten lunch, he laid down on the beach towel and fell asleep!! Since this event was completely unexpected (but very welcome), I had no book or anything to do while he napped (for around an hour or more). So...I built a sand castle. Today was a magnificent day for sand dollars and shells, and I decorated accordingly.

"Rock A Baby"

2010-03-22T22:50:00.000-07:00

Since B was born, I have always sung either "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" or the "ABCs" to calm him down and help him fall asleep.

I don't know very many lullabies at all (obviously). Last summer I traveled back to where I grew up and it was my first time alone with B in a long time. GH normally helps extensively with B's night time routine and sings him several songs in Spanish.

So one night while on the trip, I started singing "Rock a Bye Baby"out of desperation. I don't really like the part about the bough breaking, etc, so I would generally just sing the same lines over and over. As repetitive as it was, at least it calmed him down and saved my sanity during the trip.

But last fall I was ready to add a new verse to our song. One night I just started singing about the fall colors, making the lines up as I went.

Recently, I have added a spring verse to our "Rock a Baby" (that is what B calls it- "Mommy, sing 'Rock a Baby!'") and I thought I would share my verses for anyone who might also want to sing this traditional lullabye without singing the part about the bough breaking.

Here is our version:

Rock a bye baby, on a treetop
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.

When the leaves change, the fall colors come.
Red, orange and yellow are the leaves.

Rock a bye baby, on a treetop
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.

When the buds break, the spring blossoms come.
Pink, white and purple are the blooms.

Happy Spring!

Anemones in a Tide Pool

2010-03-21T23:23:00.000-07:00

Spring Time 2010

2010-03-20T23:51:00.000-07:00

One in the bluebonnets...

And several from our spring beach vacation...

Dancing versus Dishes

2010-03-13T09:45:00.000-08:00

GH is doing the breakfast dishes.

I am playing a CD on the computer and I started happily dancing away. I said, "Come on, B! Dance!"
To which he replied, "No! I am playing ball."
So I said, "Well, I can dance and you can play ball, ok?"

And he said, "Go wash dishes with Papi!".

Hmmmm....maybe he doesn't like my cool moves?

:-)

And one more beach pic from last week...

2010-03-09T22:29:00.000-08:00

No picnik effects. This one is au naturale.

"That's okay. I forgive you."

2010-03-09T19:44:00.000-08:00

We spent another afternoon at the aquarium today. B immensely enjoys the kids' play area which has various activities. One of his favorite things to do there is to "shoot" the air guns that are under water, so they make bubbles and currents in the water. The aquarium stocks the play area with various plastic toys- sea stars, fish, anemones, and a few boats.

B was playing with one of the boats in the area with the air guns, watching how the boat was affected when he "shot" it. When it was time to go, I asked him to return the boat to the area where he had found it.

He promptly turned around and threw it into that pool, splashing the back of a little boy's head who was playing there. I was embarrassed, even more so because the boy's father and grandmother were standing right there too, so I said "Look, you splashed that little boy! That isn't nice. Say you're sorry." B was taken aback and didn't say anything, just put his head down.

Then the other little boy, who was probably around 3, maybe 4, said "That's okay. I forgive you."

Wow. How sweet was that? I was so impressed. I am grateful that other people are raising their children to be so respectful and mannerly.

I hope it was a good lesson to B, even though I know he didn't mean to splash another child; maybe he will be more careful in the future.

It is so refreshing to have an experience like this in a public place in today's society where it seems like rudeness is the rule.

And one more "for the birds"...

2010-03-01T20:04:00.000-08:00

More photos...

2010-03-01T19:14:00.000-08:00

I just don't have much to say right now, mostly the usual going on around here. Doing a lot of waiting for different things, but trying to enjoy life on the way. So here are a few photos, as they say, "a picture's worth a thousand words," right?

I used Picnik for the effects again...I just love playing with that site.

A few more pics...

2010-02-21T18:26:00.000-08:00

Otters playing. 2/19/10

Otter with ice. 1/16/10

Sunset over the bay. 1/16/10

Waves. 2/19/10

I used Picnik for the effects.

Just a few pics

2010-02-20T08:54:00.000-08:00

Fish at the aquarium.

Playing in the sand a few days ago.

B's feet - aren't they darling?

Slow Down, Mommy! Slow Down!

2010-02-19T22:24:00.000-08:00

This week, my 27, almost 28 month old has begun correcting my driving. He (fairly randomly although sometimes perhaps accurately) has been shouting out "Slow Down, Mommy! Slow Down!" as we make our way through our day.
He certainly comes by his backseat driving naturally and as amusing as is it now it may not continue to be so as time goes by...

Today, driving home from the aquarium, in between his commentary regarding my driving skills, with his little brown stuffed horse in hand, he told me "Get bigger, ride a horse." Meaning, when he gets bigger he wants to ride a horse. I told him I thought that was a great idea and he said "Yeah!" in this tone of voice like "Duh!". It was too sweet. I can't wait to see him up on a horse.

On another subject, he went through a period the last 2 months or so where he would only watch a certain show during dinner and finally the last two days he let us watch a different show...hallelujah!

Once again, I am just sharing little tidbits from the week. I feel sure there is more I'm forgetting- I guess if I think of something I will post again!

Moral Obligation Questions

2010-02-13T17:28:00.001-08:00

I have been reading the Alexander McCall Smith series about Isabel Dalhousie, who is the editor of a philosophy journal. So her character is constantly pondering questions about morality and what our obligation to others are or should be.

This got me thinking about a hypothetical situation.

What if there were two people, A and B, who were mere acquaintances but who both had something in common, say, collecting rare stamps. These two people were connected by their own choice on a social network.

Then suddenly A loses his rare stamp to a fire, robbery, whatever. A is extraordinarily upset about this circumstance, because this stamp had been an exceptional and difficult acquisition in his collection. Not only is he upset, he makes quite clear his feelings about his situation and specifically what happened to him and which stamp was lost.

B never recognizes the loss of A's stamp. Then a week or so later, B goes on to announce that he has acquired the exact stamp lost by A.

A congratulates B on his good fortune.

However, B still refuses to acknowledge the loss of A, in spite of his own gain. In fact, B goes on posting many stories about the stamp and how it has increased in value, and is even rarer than once believed. At the same time, A has continued to post his feelings about his lost stamp, because it is still weighing heavily on him. Many other of their philatelist friends sent words of regret and solace to A.

So one would assume that the second collector sees at least one of A's posts as they are repeatedly posted.

What is A, who lost his stamp, supposed to do? Should that person "hide" B from his news feed to avoid seeing the stories about the lost stamp? Defriend B completely? Address the person directly regarding the matter?

Meanwhile, what should B do? Are we obligated to have empathy with someone who has lost something treasured, even as we have gained the same? Of course not.

But if B does see A's posts and remains silent, what does that do to B's soul? Is it darker and less than it should be?

Why do people do such things? Should we not strive to be more empathetic to one another?

Stealing Kisses and Making a Fast Exit

2010-02-11T20:48:00.001-08:00

A few brief stories from this past week:

At the aquarium this afternoon, I was sitting about 20 feet away and B went up to a little girl about a year younger than him and planted several kisses on her! I thought it was just too cute. Of course when I realized what was going on I walked over and said "Have you found a new friend?" Her parents did not seem that pleased about it. Oh well.

Interestingly, for the past few days, he has been suddenly fascinated with "EXIT" signs, like the lit-up emergency exits inside stores. Every time he sees one he points it out and yells "Exit" and then he usually talks about the color of the letters. I am most bewildered about the origin of this sudden interest. We don't remember pointing one out to him. But they are apparently his new favorite thing.
In other news, he has a "doodle-pro" magnetic drawing tablet that we've been keeping in the car and the other day as GH was driving, I sat in the back with him and I was making letters with him. I showed him that "W" upside down looks like "M" and "Z" sideways looks like "N". He thought that was hilarious. Sometimes he draws a letter and tells us what it is - it doesn't always look correct, but I love that he tries. He did a "C" this afternoon that was pretty good!

Last night, GH asked B to pick up some of his toys, and he immediately responded "Papi, stop messing [with] [B]'s life!" We burst out laughing and made him repeat it because we couldn't believe what we'd just heard. Sure enough, the second time was more of the same! We were especially amused because neither of us say this kind of thing, so we have no idea where he came up with that.

I need to go get him in bed. I just wanted to catch up a little with the latest happenings before I forget it all!

Dinosaurs at the Aquarium

2010-02-04T00:20:00.000-08:00

So, GH was desperate for some "alone time" this afternoon so he could get some work done at home...and B really needed some quality time outside our home. He just has so - much - energy!!! It is amazing really.

Anyway, we headed once again to the Aquarium. Our yearly membership runs out at the end of this month and we aren't planning to renew, so we are trying to pack in the visits.

We enjoyed a walk along the shoreline before we headed inside. The weather was just so lovely it was impossible to resist. Then we had to move our car because we were at a 2 hour meter- which also meant we had to find change - which in turn meant we had to find cash, something that rarely makes an appearance in my wallet.

This meant a lot of walking back and forth and back again. Advantage- used a lot of B's excess energy. Disadvantage- required a lot of energy that I was rapidly running out of.

Eventually, we made it to our original goal, with only one tear-shedding incident- that was me, when B mercilessly yanked my hair in both hands as he was "helping" feed the meter. Yeah.

Anyway, we made it, and I was mercifully not bald (I double-checked in the bathroom).

I asked what he wanted to see first and he immediately said "otters," so we headed that direction, with a slight detour at one of the large tanks that has several sharks, rays, tuna, etc. Very cool.

When we got over to the otter area, it was the end of their feeding/play time, so we watched for a few minutes. As we walked back downstairs, B said "Dinosaur!". Huh? I turned around and spotted this whale skeleton.

So I explained that although it resembled a dinosaur skeleton, it was actually a whale skeleton, all the while going over in my mind how he had even drawn that conclusion. He has never been to a museum with a dinosaur skeleton that I remember, certainly not in any recent months. The only dinosaurs he's ever seen that I am aware of have been either on "Curious George" - who does often go to museums with dinosaur skeletons - cartoon dinosaur skeletons, and on "Dinosaur Train," another PBS cartoon, but it does have a paleontologist at the end, and perhaps shows skeleton photos sometimes?

In conclusion, my mind was pretty much blown away by this little incident. It was without a doubt the highlight of the past 2 days for me.

Adjectives and prepositions

2010-01-31T10:04:00.000-08:00

B has been using adjectives much more the past couple of weeks. He says things like "Big red fire truck!" and "Little trashy truck" "Big yellow bullzaturner".

He's also started saying "and" sometimes, like when we are reading he will say "the cat -and- the dog -and- the chicken" It is just really cute to me the way he pauses before and after the "and's".

He has also started saying things like "under the table." I think this is his favorite preposition so far. He also likes "behind" alot. He said last night at dinner for example, "Quiche behind my mangi." Mangi = macaroni and cheese.

This afternoon he said "[B] has 2 cats sleeping in pappasan." Which was true, he was sitting in the pappasan with the two cats.

I just wanted to record these before I forget.

Go, Dog, Go! Sleep, Dog, Sleep?

2010-01-30T20:20:00.000-08:00

Everyone knows there are two types of people- the night owls and the early birds.

I come from a long line of night owls, and apparently B has inherited these genes as well. He gets plenty of sleep, don't get me wrong, 9-11 hours per night, 1-2 hour naps most days (especially on days following the 9 hour nights).

It's just that he's not at all interested in going to bed at a "reasonable hour" for someone his age. On average he is asleep around 8:30-9ish, but many times he has been up til 10:30, 11, 11:30...
This schedule has advantages and disadvantages, of course. Less alone time for DH and me on B's late nights, but we all get to "sleep in" a little on the mornings after.

For Christmas, B's Godfather gave him the Dr Seuss book, "Go, Dog, Go!" - one of my childhood favorites as well. I still clearly remembered reading about the "big dog party" at the end; it just fascinated me somehow as a child, imagining all these dogs on top of a tree. B absolutely loves it and we read it usually at least once per day.

There is a certain page in the book which talks about how "Night is not a time for play. Night is a time for sleep." This is great in and of itself-now B has taken to quoting that particular passage, so he is hopefully absorbing that message to some extent. The associated illustration depicts a long line of dogs all sleeping in a row in their big bed, except one lone dog whose eyes are wide open.

When I ask B who that wakeful dog is, he responds with his name. It cracks me up every time.

It is so true.

Hickory Dickory Dock

2010-01-29T00:24:00.001-08:00

Shortly after B was born, my Mom brought us a toy that had survived my childhood so that he might enjoy it too. I polished it up, but ever since it has been sitting up high on a dresser in B's room.

As I've blogged about previously, we have had a bedtime routine for about a year now with B, and it usually involves reading at least 2 books. Lately one we've been reading fairly frequently is a book of nursery rhymes, including "Hickory Dickory Dock."

One evening during our bedtime routine as we read his nursery rhymes, I remembered the little toy my Mom had brought and took it down for B to look at. It is a Fisher Price "radio" that plays the tune of "Hickory Dickory Dock." And he loved it!

Because he is a boy, of course he loves all kinds of the same things my husband played with growing up. I was overjoyed that there was finally a toy from my childhood that he was interested in and wanted to play with.

This is the first thing I felt that he really liked of mine. I am so glad that it still works and that my Mom thought to bring it to us so that we can share it with him.

Roll it, Pat it, Mark it with a...

2010-01-27T11:55:00.000-08:00

Smelling the "flower"!

Licking the spoon.

It was baking day at our house today.

For many years (since before we met, 12 years ago?), my husband's favorite cake has been carrot. There was no chocolate groom's cake at our wedding reception- it was carrot all the way [totally delish].

So for the past few years, I have baked a carrot cake from scratch for him on his birthday, which is coming up again very soon.

But today was super special because it was the first time B helped.
He stirred the eggs, smelled the flour (I tried to explain that it only sounded the same as "flower" but he didn't quite catch that), and generally had a pretty good time. He also smelled the vanilla and cinnamon and was slightly more impressed with those than the "flower".

He even licked the spoon!

To make an omelette...

2010-01-26T21:24:00.000-08:00

So, we all have our little ways of doing things, right?

Most of the time when you're living with someone, you can put up with a lot of their quirks. They feed the toilet paper roll under, no problem, you quickly reverse it, problem solved.

But then there are the things that you can't "fix". Ingrained habits we all have, but which may get on our most loved ones' last nerve.

In our household, a major issue is the technique employed for cracking eggs. Really, you ask? Seriously? I am afraid I must say yes.

I crack my eggs on the rims of bowls or pans. That is just the right way. My dear husband, on the other hand, takes the egg and cracks it - I am not kidding you - on the underside of my kitchen counters. Ugh. This little habit of his has been grating on me for months now.

Then just in the past few days I have seen this miraculous product, the EZ Egg Cracker, advertised. Many people may claim that this is a superfluous, even useless product. But this I dispute this as an oversimplification. It may be a sanity preserver or in the most extreme case, a relationship redeemer.

More Funny Moments with B

2010-01-26T18:11:00.000-08:00

Driving home this afternoon from the aquarium, we were stopped at a red light.
I turned around and blew B a kiss and he said something, but I couldn't catch what he said. In the meantime, I noticed the light had changed.
As we drove on I kept asking him to repeat himself because he had said a phrase that I hadn't heard him use before and I was interested to know what it was. I had him repeat several times...
Finally, I translated what he had said: "Light is green!"
I burst out laughing.
I asked him, "Mommy turned around to give you a kiss and you were telling Mommy that we needed to go because the light had turned green?"
And he's like "Yes!"
I just thought it was hilarious.
:-)

Mashed 'Tatoes!!

2010-01-25T09:33:00.000-08:00

We made homemade mashed potatoes while my parents were here for the holidays.

Ever since then, every morning if I ask B what he dreamed about he says "Mashed 'tatoes!" And laughs. When I then ask if he wants to eat mashed potatoes, he quickly says "no."

So I don't get the joke or why he always claims to dream of them, but I love it. I think it's too cute!!

Weekend

2010-01-23T21:32:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I took B to the Aquarium. It was wonderfully empty and quiet on a Friday afternoon. Quite a contrast to the previous Saturday when we all went. Although that was an awesome time too- but I was glad DH was with us!

This morning, we walked down to our little community center and attended the pancake breakfast to benefit our fire department. It was nice to be a part of a community event like that and be around other families, even though we don't actually know anyone and didn't speak to anyone else. Which caused us to discuss this very fact as we ate, how we grew up in the opposite way; if our families had gone to such an event, our parents would have known at least half the people there. We concluded that whenever we do get more settled, we will have to make much more of an effort to be community-involved.

This afternoon, we went to a local park that we hadn't explored before. The scenery was quite nice and since it rained a lot this week, the little creek that runs through was fairly high.

I have been feeling more hopeful lately than at the start of the year. I do not necessarily feel like following our doctor's advice to wait one cycle to start trying again...I don't really see why it is necessary and I am so anxious. I think the main reason doctors advise this is so that they will have an easy way to estimate due date, based on your LMP. Anyway, we probably won't "try" but we may not do anything to prevent either.

In summary it has been a great weekend so far. I hope tomorrow is nice too.

The things they say

2010-01-14T19:44:00.000-08:00

Lately many interesting things have come out of B's mouth. Some super cute, some that make us want to hide...Here is a sampling:

"Have a good day!"
And its newest variation : "Have a good day, stupid!"
And lots of "stupid" in general. ugh!
"Damn it!" *cringe*
"What [are] you doing Papi/Mommy?" spoken in a high sweet voice. love this one.
"No!" also "Nope!" and "buh-BYE!"- same meaning...
"Get up, Papi/Mommy/bullzaturners (bulldozers)!"
"Ow! Ow Ow!"- not when he's actually hurt but when we are doing something he doesn't want to do- get in the car seat, put on his shoes/jacket/hat, etc.
He refuses to hold my hand, yelling (in public) "Dry skin!". *cringe* again.
When I ask him my name, he knows it (not perfect pronunciation, but we understand). However when I ask him what Papi's name is, he usually responds with my nickname for my husband. Very sweet.
He has known his middle name for at least 4 months now and if you ask him his other name he tells you.
He started saying "yucky!" a few months ago and I told him to say "No, thank you" instead. He actually does most of the time now.
Today, we were eating mongolian bbq at the mall and I was encouraging him to eat other things besides just noodles. So I asked if he would eat an onion and he said "No, thank you!" So I made a big deal out of eating it and said it was yummy and a few seconds later he said "Mommy eat onion. [His name] eats noodles!" Super cute.

A couple of months ago we were all driving along one evening and we saw a personalized license plate that said "A J Bug". So my husband and I were conversing about what it might mean and B just started cracking up. saying "Itchy Bug". So now Itchy Bug has been an inside joke for our family, and he cracks up whenever we say it.

"Up high, Papi/Mommy!" when he wants to be picked up.

"Big Bobba Boom" could mean that something scares him or that he got hurt.

"Poor [B]." This one also cracks us up and he says it appropriately, like when he falls down or something.

"Love Papi/Mommy...although usually he only says spontaneously "Love Scotty/Mocha"- our cats...

Calls McDonalds "Pancakes" because for the past few months for a treat sometimes we go there for breakfast.

2010-01-07T22:51:00.000-08:00

My mom gave B "Hi God" for Christmas.
I was listening to it again tonight and I wanted to share this song. The youtube version is not the original Carey Landry version, but gives an idea. Below are the lyrics. It touched me even more now that I have a son who may ask questions like this someday.

What Color is God's skin?

"Good Night" I said to my little son
So tired out when the day was done
Then he said, as I tucked him in

"Tell me, Daddy- What Color is God's skin?"

CHORUS
What color is God's skin? What color is God's skin?
I said it's black, brown, it's yellow... it is red, it is white
Every man's the same in the good Lord's sight.

He looked at me with his shining eyes
And then I knew I could tell no lies
He asked "Daddy, why do the different races fight
If we're the same in the good Lord's sight?"

CHORUS

"Son, that's part of our suffering past
But the whole human race is learning at last
The thing we missed on the road we trod
Is walking as the daughters and the sons of God".

CHORUS

These words to America a man once hurled
God's last chance to make a world
The different races are meant to be
Our strength and glory from sea to sea.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNqVw9gN7a0

Not so good start to the new year

2010-01-06T23:21:00.000-08:00

So, I was hoping to shortly announce that we were expecting a little brother or sister for B, due in August. But instead I am currently going through a miscarriage. Ugh.
We had our first doctor appointment on Dec 9th and she didn't see anything in the embryonic sac. But actually, even before she looked she had said not to worry, because it was so early we may not see anything...but she had me go and check hormone levels. They seemed ok. The first day was 2400 and 2 days later, 4000. She expected to see the embryo by around 5000, and since the day we had gone to the dr was the 2400 day, things still seemed to be on track. I started getting the same symptoms I had had with our son and everything.
Our hopes and plans were blown apart however at our next visit. On Dec 23rd (really bad timing by the way), we went back and she still couldn't see anything in the sac. She started saying different things and then words like "blighted ovum" (which innocent me had never even heard of) and "miscarriage". What? No this can not be happening. I started to tear up but I was still in shock. I still had hope. Somehow.
Something strange that helped me was actually that the same tech was there that afternoon, right after we got that news, to take the blood for hormone levels. He had also taken it the previous 2 times, but at a different lab location. So I was shocked to see him, but we had shared small talk before, and now tears were just streaming down my face. I had to go to get the blood taken at the same hospital where we had had such a wonderful birth experience 2 years before with our son. And here was this stranger that I had only seen 2 other times. I told him, "It doesn't look good." Of course, he could probably tell that by the tears. Anyway, he took me back to draw the blood and he shared his personal story about how he and his wife had experienced the same loss and gone on to have 3 girls. I appreciated his kindness. That was the first thing that made me feel even slightly better.
I feel like God brought us together somehow. It was just a really strange coincidence to me that he was there at the other lab the 1st 2 times and then at the hospital lab that last time. Anyway, sure enough the numbers were high- 17000. Which was very bad news, since she still hadn't seen anything on the u/s.
During the next week, I had to go through the motions of the holidays without feeling like it at all. My parents were visiting. We all got sick.
But through it all I still had some crazy hope that my doctor, as much as I respect and love her was wrong somehow. I went back and looked at the early u/s pictures of our son. And I counted the weeks...the first one was at 6.5 weeks, and he was just a tiny dot, no heartbeat. On average, they expect to see a heartbeat on the u/s by 6 weeks. We didn't see it until the next u/s, which was at 9 weeks, 1 day. At the u/s on the 23rd, I was exactly 8 weeks. And my cycles are much longer than average, so maybe, just maybe I thought, she's wrong. I haven't had any cramping, no spotting, nothing. She must be wrong. I went over it, again and again. I googled "blighted ovum" and found stories of women who said they had had their doctors tell them the same thing only to see the baby at a later appointment.
We "celebrated" our 9th wedding anniversary on the 30th. Then, on the 31st, the spotting began. Just a tiny speck, but there. So I knew. No matter how exact my calculations, they couldn't change the truth. I just never thought this would happen to me. I have only been pregnant once before, and my son is healthy, the pregnancy was fairly easy- I did have gestational diabetes, but it was easily managed through diet. So how could this be happening?
I really couldn't talk about this with anyone at first, but when the spotting started, I decided to share what was happening on my facebook page and I have received so many messages of support and love and prayer. It has really helped me.
Writing this also helps I think.
I am slowly starting to have hope again. For the new year, that it may actually turn out decent after all.
I am never going to innocently trust the "pregnant" reading on a pregnancy test again though. In fact I was so angry at first that I told my husband I was never going to take one again because they just lied; that I would just wait and then make the appointment with the dr and see on the u/s what was happening. I may still do that actually. It is so painful to have been wanting this for more than a year and trying for several months, finally seeing that "pregnant"!! Only to find out weeks later that it isn't so.
We are going back to my dr on Friday. I have many questions, such as, can they tell the sex by what is left (chromosomally)? What does she think the chances are that the embryo had already stopped developing by the time I took the pregnancy test? When can we start trying again??? etc.
I will update hopefully with better news in the coming months...

Happy Thanksgiving!

2009-11-29T22:53:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

We spent the time with family in a small town.
The fall colors were absolutely stunning!

Long time away...

2009-11-05T18:58:00.000-08:00

It has been a while since I've written anything. Just busy with the usual stuff. Well, Halloween was fantastic; we trick or treated the night before, at the Aquarium. My parents were in town which was really nice.
Then B turned TWO this week! Sometimes we can tell...
But mostly he is fairly low-maintenance and easy-going.

It has been a good fall so far. We are starting a 2year old soccer class this Saturday. Hopefully it will be fun.

Also, we are going to try to start exercising more as well...

"I need ball!!"

2009-08-05T08:14:00.000-07:00

So, this morning, B was playing with a bouncy blue ball and it kept going under tables, etc. When he couldn't reach it, he yelled out "I need ball! I need ball!" A couple of times it even sounded like "I need a ball!"

[he also says "I got it!" and "I'll be back." (he was born in California under Schwarzenegger's governorship...)]

I am fairly impressed with this, even through my sleep deprived state...the first night in his big boy bed, B slept 9 hours straight in his new bed. After that, it has been pretty much a nightmare. He's been up 2-3 times every night. Last night was the worst yet. We tried to put him to bed at his regular time and he demanded more food. So we brought him back downstairs and he ate half a ham and cheese sandwich. He finally went to sleep close to 10 pm. Then at 2 am, he was up - demanding more food! GH took him downstairs and gave him some milk, then he fell asleep at almost 3 am. Then he was up again at 5:30ish, fell back asleep after a little milk and then up again at 7 am.

Needless to say, none of us were in the cheeriest moods at the breakfast table... ;)

UGH. I am so tired and it is only Wednesday.

Big Boy Bed!!

2009-07-31T23:52:00.000-07:00

So, we solved the bed issue. GH removed the front of B's crib tonight before bed and B loved it!! He was SO PROUD of his "big boy" bed. He said "big! big!"
He spent half an hour or so jumping on and off the bed. All in all, it was a great success. I hope he sleeps well tonight!

New Baby Monitor and Toddler Bed Issues

2009-07-28T09:20:00.000-07:00

Well, the baby monitor that we inherited from GH's sister has officially "retired."

That is to say, it decided to quit last night. It was clear that something was wrong with the switch that changes the channels. The signal indicator light was lit up no matter which channel the switch was on (it should only come on when it matches the channel on the receiver in B's room). And it just felt "loose."

GH and I took the whole thing apart in a last ditch attempt to salvage it but to no avail.

I have a feeling this untimely demise is due directly to B "playing" with the monitor, in particular when he dropped it at least once on the bathroom floor yesterday.

This means a trip to Walmart today to look for a new one. We must have one because for the time being, B is still sleeping in his crib (at the lowest level). But almost every night when trying to put him to sleep, he attempts to climb over the side, and we are obviously afraid he will fall out and get hurt.

What I need to do until we decide on a toddler bed is put some pillows/quilts on the floor next to the crib. I will do that tonight- somehow I just keep forgetting.

So I didn't sleep that well last night, keeping "aware" for the slightest noise. The other issue is that we have 2 cats that we don't want in the bedrooms, so both doors must stay closed, which further inhibits our hearing ability without the monitor.

What to do about a "big boy" bed? GH wants to convert his crib to a toddler bed, which should be possible. I would be ok with either a mattress on the floor or a little bed from IKEA children. I will post what we decide to do about this issue.

*Hopefully* the monitor we buy today will get a lot more good use.

Potty Training

2009-07-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

In the last week, B has made amazing progress with using his potty.

This was all self-initiated by him.

One day last week he just asked me after his bath if he could use his potty (not in so many words). And he did. Since then he has asked at least once a day to go on the potty and the record so far is 3 times in one day I think, although it may have been 4. He already used it once this morning.

It's cute the way he "has" to have 2 of his stuffed animals with him- Mickey and Tigger. I have no idea why these two got stuck with potty duty, but such is life right?

Vocabulary

2009-07-25T23:07:00.000-07:00

B has added so many words to his vocabulary in the past 6 weeks. It is truly amazing. The best part- aside from how cute he sounds- is the vast improvement in communication! Finally he is able to tell us a little more about what he wants instead of just crying.

This is a great relief.

Another cool part is that about half his words are in Spanish (my husband's native language) and half in English. He chooses what to say in each language on his own. He also says a couple of words in both - "Hi/Hola" and "mas/more." This is fascinating and sweet.

In exciting news on this subject, just this week he started saying 2 word phrases! He said "Bye bye 'name'" as well as "mas apple". (he calls pineapple 'apple' and it is one of his favorite treats)

On a side note, he drew a picture this week and told me what he was drawing without me asking. He drew a lot of spirally lines and said it was "manga", which is his word for "manguera," the Spanish word for "garden hose."

Latest Sleep Update

2009-07-25T22:46:00.000-07:00

So B is still not an easy sleeper but things have stayed good the last few months compared to the first 15.

He usually goes to sleep at about 9 pm and wakes up about 5 am, breastfeeds and then snoozes til around 7-7:30 am. This is the only time we breastfeed anymore on a typical day. And I am not sure how we will stop but I know eventually it will happen.

He has started to watch a little TV, so in the mornings if we are still particularly exhausted at 7 am, we can usually snooze for 30 min-1 hour more by giving him a banana and a "Maba" (sippy cup with milk) and turning on Playhouse Disney. His favorites are Handy Manny and the Clubhouse. We also like Little Einsteins and My Friends Tigger and Pooh.

We try to get him in bed by 8-8:30pm, but even if we put him in the bed by then he usually doesn't fall asleep til 9 anyway so it seems like a waste of time and effort.

He continues to nap fairly well most days. Typically b/tw 2-3 hours. Lately it's been either right before or right after lunch.

He and I went to visit my parents out of state for two weeks this month and he really did pretty well sleeping away from home I thought. And we also went to visit my husband's family (out of country actually) and B slept extremely well while we were there but unfortunately was having some eating issues on the trip. This made for a bit of a stressful time for everyone. And who is to say what brings about "eating strikes" in toddlers? I have read about it and this is a fairly common occurrence of various debatable causes. I guess if it happens to coincide with a visit to the in laws...it's just worse luck.

Teeth Brushing

2009-07-25T22:25:00.001-07:00

This has actually been brewing around in my mind for quite a while, and a fellow blogger blogged about it today so I thought I would share my thoughts as well.

On the surface, oral care seems such a simple, mundane task, correct?

Okay, now try doing it with a squirmy 1-2 year old who may or (more likely) may not want your fingers or the toothbrush in his mouth.

This is an aspect of parenting that honestly never ONCE crossed my mind in all the years I dreamed of having a baby, when I was pregnant or even for the first 6 months or so of his life.
Then one day I realized that I would be responsible every morning and every night for the next few years or so for this other person's teeth. I am sure that I am not alone in this. No one sits around at baby showers discussing the best toddler toothpaste or the correct brushing technique. It sort of reminds me of watching your favorite TV show, I mean there are just a lot of everyday details that are simply left out. For me this was one of those. I considered a million details of caring for my baby while I was pregnant; the best diapers, the best foods, the best bedding, the best shoes, the best way to launder his clothes, etc etc etc...but the tooth brushing thing somehow just fell through the cracks.

If you've never had to do it, what I am saying may not make a whole lot of sense.
But believe me, when you have been bitten hard enough to bring tears to your eyes, it will.

Beach Time

2009-04-22T20:41:00.000-07:00

Spring

2009-04-01T10:10:00.001-07:00

Spring is here!

The Past Week

2009-03-03T10:12:00.001-08:00

It seems I am under a bad star or something this week. I know it could always be worse, but I have been having the craziest accidents. First, our upstairs hallway is pretty crowded-I have our loveseat there right now that used to be in B's room. When we got him a ball pit for his first birthday, there was no room for both, so out it went! GH warned me that it was too crowded, and in fact we've been "meaning to" move it, along with our 101 other things we've been "meaning to" do forever... :)

Well, I was going too fast out into the hallway from our room and I hit my right two little toes incredibly hard against its base. I thought for a minute they were just going to fall off! I made it through the rest of the day, but oh my, if I moved them even slightly the shooting pain was terrible! That night, GH looked at them when he got home and he didn't think they were broken, so I just kept "resting" them as much as possible. A few days after it happened I was brave enough to try to bend them, and found that I couldn't...scary. Also, the color around them, like going down my foot towards my ankle had changed to a dark bluish/purplish color. GH looked at them again and said that if they didn't improve soon, I should probably have them looked at. Well, thank God, they finally started improving some yesterday. The color is still bad, but at least I can bend them a little. And really the pain is almost gone as well.

Then, last night, I was going to broil some steaks at 500 degrees in the oven, and the recipe recommended preheating the pan you were going to use as well. Sounded sensible to me, speed up the cooking time etc. So I stuck it in while my steaks finished marinating. Meanwhile, GH got home from work, and we were talking, discussing our day and stuff. I took the pan out to start cooking the steak, while we were still talking, and I placed it on the stove top. Then, I went to retrieve the steaks from the fridge, still talking to GH, and I went back to the stove and PICKED UP the 500 degree pan with my bare hand!! AARRGHHH!!! Wow this pain was incredible...terrible terrible terrible. I immediately put my hand under the cold faucet, while GH went upstairs to get ointment and to look up the best treatment for minor burns. So I left my hand under the cold water for at least 10 minutes, as recommended, periodically taking it out to "test" and the pain was still terrible. It was largely concentrated in two spots, my left index finger and my palm. After the water treatment when I felt it was slightly lessened, I put some ointment on it. It seemed to be okay more or less, but then a few minutes later, started burning like hell again. So I got an ice pack out and kept it on for literally an hour. That really did the trick I think. I put a lot of ointment on it last night before going to bed and this morning I really hardly feel it at all. I know I am very lucky and last night when it had first happened, all I could think of was that guy on Survivor Australia (the only season I watched) when he fell into the coals. He ran into the water to put his poor hands in, then when he took them out of the water, all of his skin was just like dripping off. It was so gross! And I was sure for a moment that that was going to be me too. The pain I felt was so intense, and this is coming from a woman who had a completely natural labor and birth- no epidural, no pills, no IV meds, nothing. I really feel for real burn victims. God, if what I suffered last night was so terrible to me, then just think what they go through.

Finally, this morning, I was trying to carry B and 3 glasses downstairs with me and guess what? I moved (erm, trying to avoid said loveseat again) and banged one glass right into the wooden balcony; glass flew everywhere! Thank God, neither of us were injured. I put B into his playpen and had to vacuum the entire hallway and stairs, one by one. Not my favorite thing at any time, much less, to do on the way down to breakfast; haven't had my morning coffee etc.

So hopefully from here on out, this star will move on and I will have fewer or at least less dramatic accidents!

Funny News

2009-02-27T22:12:00.000-08:00

So we were just watching the late local news and the reporter made a comment that just cracked me up.

There have been gang problems for years in a town of about 150,000 near here. For whatever reason, these problems tend to spike every year at the beginning of the year.

Anyway, there were a couple of shootings earlier this week in a certain shopping area of this town I'm talking about and then another today in broad daylight. 3 people dead. So obviously that's not the funny part.

But, the reporter was doing a piece about what could be behind the string of recurring violence in this particular shopping center. She said she interviewed local police and they advised her that "no one should be concerned about [...] shopping center because ***there is no more violence there than anywhere else in [city]..."***
OKAY, does anyone else see the bitter irony in his statement??!? I was practically rolling on the floor. Umm, no fewer than THREE people have been shot and killed there in the past few few days, but hey, don't worry! It's no more dangerous than the rest of our beautiful city!

Needless to say, we moved far out of that city WAY before B was born.
Terrible.

Sleep Update

2009-02-27T11:49:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to update on the last week or so of sleep.

What a transformation.
A typical night now looks like this:
8-8:30 pm B goes to sleep
2-3 am B wakes and falls asleep within 5 minutes-we don't take him out of his crib, we just go in and say comforting words- "shhh, night night, shhh"
4:30-5:30 am B wakes and we bring him to our bed; I nurse him 5-10 minutes and then we all sleep
7 am, one of us makes him a bottle.
Then we all snooze a little more until around 7:30 or 8 am.

This is just so much better than how things were going for us before "The No-Cry Sleep Solution." I just can't stress enough how much it has helped us and changed B's sleep habits for the better- WITHOUT having to implement the cry it out method that GH and I were so reluctant to try. If you read "The No-Cry Sleep Solution," check out the passages describing what a psychologist suggests crying it out may be like for an infant. If you're a fan of that method, I can bet this will turn your mind toward a less harsh method like "The No-Cry Sleep Solution." It certainly turned my stomach anyway.

Also, a couple of times he has skipped the 2-3 am waking, and slept all the way through to 4:30-5 am. This will happen more and more often as he adjusts I'm sure.

We are much happier, just wanted to update on how it has continued to work for us.

Aquarium Saturday

2009-02-21T20:10:00.000-08:00

So, we went to the local aquarium last weekend (and again yesterday, as a matter of fact).
B had an awesome time.
The admission fee however is outrageous! They wanted $60 for my husband and I for 1 visit!! Crazy.
The membership fee for one whole year for our family was only $120, so it wasn't a difficult decision to go ahead and do this. Thus the second visit yesterday- B and I went; what a great way to spend the day! Now I have another fun option to spend time with him.
The aquarium we visit is world renowned, thus eternally packed on the weekends. The trick to going during the week as I discovered by accident yesterday is to get there around 2-2:30pm (or around 1ish if you're planning to eat lunch there like we did). That way, the school kids on field trips are all headed out already. It seemed as crowded as on the weekends when we first arrived around 1pm, but by the time we finished our lunch, we had the place to ourselves!! We spent time at several exhibits completely alone; we absorbed all the fishy goodness at our leisure.
It also helps if you find a "miraculous" parking place like we discovered last Saturday. We happened upon a 12 hour meter only blocks from the aquarium (and hey I don't mind walking a little-nice bonus exercise!) that is apparently broken and is forever "green"!! Wow. And yes, it still worked yesterday. We paid not a cent for parking.
All in all, we have been thoroughly enjoying our watery outings, and highly recommend you go check out your local aquarium as well!

SLEEP!!!

2009-02-20T09:46:00.000-08:00

So, the moment we have been waiting for is finally here...B slept a full EIGHT hours last night, from 8:50pm until 5 am!! He stirred at 4 am, but put himself right back to sleep w/o us going to check or anything. We are still working towards an earlier bedtime, sometimes it works out better than others; he was in bed by 8pm, but it took him a while to get settled.

I feel so much better. And we used the "No Cry Sleep Solution", as mentioned previously. I am so proud of B and of us for staying patient and staying the course, especially as we had two horrendous nights earlier this week, I am positive due to a molar coming in.

I think as soon as we have the earlier bedtime, we will be seeing closer to 10 hour stretches.
This is so different from a month ago and the way we had been surviving for many months before that. Don't get me wrong, it was GREAT having B with us in our bed for so long, but finally we just needed more sleep and he seems to be the type of baby that can't sleep as deeply if he is with us.
I am impressed with how quickly Ms. Pantley's methods have succeeded for us. I also received some great advice from my Mom that helped as well.

Well, B is begging to be read to (can't imagine where he gets that!) so I have to go.

So. tired. today.

2009-02-16T09:37:00.000-08:00

Well, something set us back last night with the sleep situation. Not at all sure what though.
B fell asleep MUCH better than previously, but unfortunately after 12:30am or so did not want to STAY asleep for more than an hour or so at a time. Ugh.
As far as falling asleep, we have a great routine going now.
5-6 pm dinner
6:30 pm bath
7:05 pm bottle
7:20 pm in bed; read 3-4 bedtime stories
8ish he's fallen asleep for the past 2 nights.

I think we are going to have to change the final step in our routine. We have been laying down on the floor of his room, to show him it's time to go to sleep and it's okay. But I think he's waking up and expecting to see us there in the middle of the night.

So we'll have to try tweaking that.

It was a great weekend otherwise. Unfortunately, lots of people have the day off today but not GH. So B and I will have to survive w/just each other.

Actually there's plenty to do, I just don't really want to. I'm relaxing w/my Ghirardelli chocolate flavored coffee here while B plays.
I need to: **
put clean dishes away
put clean laundry away
~~go to walmart~~
~~go to local market~~
~~go to post office~~ - I realized it is a holiday, but I did put a letter I needed to mail in the box.
~~make sure B gets a good lunch and nap~~
clean breakfast mess
etc etc etc

:)

Sooo, better get to it right?
I'll just check Facebook ONE more time...

**Updated at 5:30 PST. About to go make dinner!

Pre-pregnancy jeans

2009-02-13T15:23:00.000-08:00

So, I was finally brave enough to try on my pre-pregnancy jeans a couple of days ago. I haven't even looked at them in at least 6 months. The last time I tried them, I basically couldn't even get both legs in...there simply was no attempting to actually close them.

This time, success! FINALLY, most fit again!! I am ecstatic! Of course, it is still not a very pretty picture to see them on, but hey at least we are to the able-to-be-zipped-AND-buttoned point!! And it is really a great inspiration to work on losing those last few pregnancy pounds.

Cool Comet Will Be Most Visible at the End of this Month

2009-02-13T09:46:00.000-08:00

Last night was particularly bad. B was up at midnight, 2 am, and I am not sure how often after that. We all got up at about 6:30 am, an hour earlier than usual. At least it's Friday. Also, breakfast has been almost impossible this week for him. No idea what the problem is. Is he not hungry? Does he not like any of the food choices offered? Blueberries were formerly one of his favorite foods, but lately he has shown a pickiness about food textures, and the skins of things like blueberries really seem to bother him. It has been very frustrating and I am hoping that good husband (GH) will handle breakfast this weekend (nice Valentine's Day present?)

Speaking of which, we each picked out our own presents this year. So much easier. Clothes for me, wine for him.
We both like what we got!! :)

In other cool scientific news, I read about this in our local weekly paper this morning:

Comet Lulin will be most visible near the end of February. It is interesting especially because of its greenish color.

Here's to good viewing (we won't be sleeping anyway, so why not try to see something unique while we're up)! ;)

Chocolate..dark or white..it's all good, right?

2009-02-12T15:10:00.001-08:00

Okay, I got your attention! Who doesn't love chocolate?
Anyway, I am starting this blog, against my husband's better wishes...he is "thoroughly private and doesn't want himself or our child mentioned."

Sorry, my good husband, but here goes...

We have a 15 month old and are currently working on sleeping issues. We do not subscribe to the "cry it out" method, so we bought "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley. We have read it and for the past week we have been trying our modified version of it. We have thus far had 2 "success nights"- nights when the baby slept 7 or more hours straight without waking. I feel greatly encouraged because this is 2 nights in the past week the baby (B) has slept in such long stretches, whereas up to now it had been more than 1 YEAR since he had slept this long!!!

B is napping right now, which I am also happy about. I have been working on adjusting his nap schedule to earlier in the afternoon, to make for an easier and earlier bedtime, as recommended. Today he fell asleep for his nap at about 2 pm and it is now almost 4 pm.

Well, I am off to browse other blogs. Have a good Thursday!
(And, hey, enjoy some chocolate!)